Bad tasting java, anyone?

I find this ad in extremely bad taste:

TODAY’s headlines

Ad on pg 6 in TODAY

You know which coffee cafe it is? Think hard. You know it.

The Gap

I refer to Dr Peter Goh’s letter “Babies: How singles can help” (TODAY, Aug 29). I too fear that having children will be a masochistic act of locking my husband and I in some kind of lifelong imprisonment, mostly due to the thought of having to give up the freedom we enjoy now, being able to visit crowded sales or have late night supper with friends in the back alleys of Joo Chiat – things I would not advise parents to do with little children in tow.

But what I fear most is not having to give up our “social lives” and lose touch with the “scene”, but that we may be creating a “social chasm” between us and our friends, not being able to relate to the same experiences or understand what each other are going through.

I have already felt this chasm when I got married at 21 – while most of my friends were complaining about NS, university or their foray into the working world, my mind was filled with getting the best deals for the renovation and purchasing furniture for my home, applying for the monthly parking fees to be deducted from my giro account, considering the different CPF investments in the market, and very importantly, which dust sweeper would be most effective.

You could tell me about the latest designer sale, blockbuster movie or fancy gadgetry, but the husband and I buy clothes from reject stores, watch rented DVDs on our couch (bought at a great sale price), and buy second-hand DSLRs and lenses to feed our passion in photography.

When talking to girlfriends especially, there is a great divide to overcome – I always find it hard to find meaning in their newest interests, while they wish and pray hard that they will never become as “domesticated” as I am.

Having already seen the rift between the married or even long-time couple, and our more single and available friends, makes me even more afraid that I will become completely incomprehensible to my friends when I start speaking in the alien language of diapers and breastfeeding.

Hence the husband and I wisely thought about waiting for the others in our circle to “catch up”, and time having a family such that we will all be in the same phase in our lives. But considering that we’ve been married for 3 years and the rest are starkly single, I really wonder how much more of our youth we can throw away before finally deciding to perhaps more wisely expend our youthful energy and wits to raising children now, and enjoying them as they grow.

But I foresee a sad future in which, as we excitedly tell cute anecdotes to our friends, we will receive in return polite smiles, as the conversation then moves on more enthusiastically to the newer, darker superhero remake.

At the end of the day, while having children is a personal choice, it is still influenced by those around us. If our friends won’t understand and be able to relate to us as parents, are we willing to give up the camaraderie we enjoy now for the joy of having children? Can we have both? Or is that being too greedy?

see published letter here

Manners: Educate, not fine

I refer to the commentary “A ‘fine’ idea for keeping left” (my paper, Aug 4).

Some time ago, readers suggested imposing fines on those who fail to give up their seats on public transport. Now, we want to fine those who do not keep left on escalators.

As it is, Singapore is known as a “fine” city. Though we may laugh it off a joke, it has negative implications when viewed by the rest of the world.

We are fined for stepping on the grass, for littering and for speaking in public without a permit. You can even find the full list of fines in Singapore on a souvenir T-shirt.

As a result, we could boast that our grass grows healthily and that our streets are clean. But that doesn’t make us a more gracious, considerate society – it only makes us one that is fearful of being fined.

Imposing fines as a deterrent may work for a while, but in the long run, it does nothing to change attitudes and the motivation behind the act.

Public education is more important to ensure that we apply the same consideration towards others in all social situations.

Otherwise, we will need to impose fines on those who squeeze onto MRT trains before anyone can alight.

Or on those who refuse to move to the back of the bus.

Or on those who hog a seat on public transport.

I believe that education doesn’t have to be a top-down approach. As citizens and members of the community, we have the responsibility of educating one another.

So if you see someone being inconsiderate, find the courage to inform him about his behaviour. Should you receive such advice, accept it with humility and apologise respectfully, for you have just learnt a valuable life lesson.

Each of us has a part to play in moulding our society to become a more gracious one.

We certainly don’t want the government to rule with an iron fist and punish inconsiderate people with fines all the time.

I hope that Singapore will one day be known as a truly fine city because of its people’s good manners and courtesy – something that Singa The Courtesy Lion would be proud of.

see published letter here

Sometimes, love just isn’t enough

I refer to the letter “Have kids only for love” (my paper, July 17).

While I agree that the most important motivation for having children should rightfully be unconditional love, even the most die-hard of romantics would admit that no marriage or family can survive on love alone.

For many young married couples, it is exactly their strong love for their unborn children that prevents them from having kids when they are not financially confident of providing the best for them.

Unlike days of yore when, perhaps, providing a child with three simple meals a day and the teachings of moral values were enough to prepare them for the world, today’s society requires parents to be able to give much more.

The gift of life is not a gift to be taken lightly. It comes with great responsibility – being able to provide not only emotionally and mentally, but also financially, towards a child’s overall well-being.

Many married couples may want to have children, no doubt a decision that is sparked off by a deep love for each other and the desire to start a family.

But desire born out of love is not enough. Couples must still weigh the practical factors of having children, and they will want to make sure that they have the prerequisites for doing so in place, such as a loving relationship, a happy home, but also, the financial means to provide for a child’s physical needs, education and hopefully, be able to give them a good life.

After all, what loving parents will bring a child into the world only for him or her to suffer?

Therefore, financial incentives are only a catalyst to nudge married couples towards their child-raising decision, instead of being the main motivation for them to have children.

see published letter here

Baby VS Boss

I agree with Ms Esther Au Yong’s commentary “It’ll take more than baby bonus” (my paper, July 14).

Following the arrival of a new colleague who is single, it became apparent to a friend of mine that “singletons” are a preferred breed at the workplace.

It also dawned on her that marriage and family were “awful diseases” which her boss wished would disappear from the office.

Over a casual lunch, my friend’s boss told her: “I actually didn’t want to hire you because you were married.”

The concern was that married women would soon be sporting baby bumps, require frequent medical leave and eventually go on three months of maternity leave.

As mothers, their priorities would also be their children and family. Thus, the assumption is that they would not be able to devote all their time and attention to their work.

They would also take leave should their child fall sick or rush home when they get a call telling them that their child is hurt, said the boss. What work could get done? he asked.

The boss also said that if the company could manage without the employee during her maternity leave, then she must not expect to return and still have a job.

Additionally, the boss said that women should not be so stupid as to sacrifice their careers for family.

Should they get divorced, their husband would get custody of the children because, with a career, he is better equipped to provide for the kids. Hence, women should always put their careers first, the boss said.

Needless to say, this attitude shocked my friend and me.

Yes, if we have children, our families would naturally come first. Why should we be made to feel guilty about caring for them or feel guilty about having brought them into the world in the first place?

Married couples should be encouraged to have children and employers and the Government need to continually support them in this area.

The Government has done its part in providing child subsidies, but what about the employers? With employers holding such negative views about married women and family life, who would dare to have children?

see published letter here

Bad Attitude From Smoker

I was waiting to cross the road when a man appeared next to me, puffing away on his cigarette.

The smoke blew in my direction and I started coughing. I covered my nose and mouth and took a few steps away from him.

He then said in a loud voice: “Why? Cannot smoke, is it? I paid $10 (for the cigarettes) and I have the right, okay?”

It is exactly this kind of attitude that gives smokers a bad name. If we cannot force them to smoke within designated smoking booths or yellow boxes, then they should at least be considerate to non-smokers.

($10 does not give them the right to go around killing others with their secondhand smoke.)

see published letter here

Company transport will help ease traffic woes

With more ERP gantries and charges, rising fuel prices and traffic congestion – perhaps companies can look into providing bus transport for their staff from the office to selected MRT stations in the North, East, West and Central parts of Singapore.

The employees who take the company bus can then continue making their way home via the public bus or train from the designated drop-off points.

This would not only help ease traffic congestion on major roads and congestion on public transport, but it would also benefit the company.

Providing company transport to and from the office ensures that the employees are always on time for work. It would also increase efficiency as the workers will have to finish their work for the day in order to catch the transport home.

Staggering knock-off times between 5pm to 8pm would also help reduce the extent of traffic jams during the rush hours, resulting in a smoother journey home.

By providing company transport – a form of “bus-pooling” – we can also reduce air pollution which happens if each staff member were to drive to and from work.

Employees would reach home faster as well, which is beneficial to their family and social life, and thus their overall well-being.

With all these benefits, company transport may well be the way to go. Just remember to make seat belts on the buses mandatory.

see published letter here

My Right

It seems that there is one common thing linking the current discussions with regards seats on public transport, social etiquette etc – a self-serving mindset. I wouldn’t go as far as to call us a selfish bunch of people, and there is no point generalizing that this is a purely Singaporean trait, but it does seem a growing characteristic as we become more affluent.

It’s all about “my right”.

Questions have been raised about who really has the “right” to request for a seat on the bus or train, sparking debates in favour of the elderly, or on the other hand, those who are feeling ill.

I myself have met many older folk who elbow their way into cutting queues, glaring at people who visibly disapprove of their behaviour, even shouting at them, “It’s my right ok? Can’t you see that I’m old?” Such attitudes clearly do not evoke the compassionate spirit that will move us to willingly give up our seats.

And that is what is more important – instilling a kinder, more thoughtful ethos into our core belief systems, in other words, changing our mindsets, so that no one will have to ask, fight, demand, for a seat, whether on the transport itself or in forum pages. Being inwardly thoughtful will move a person to be alert as to how they are able to help others, and therefore be aware and not turn a blind eye when such situations arise. Humility will also help us not take offence when someone requests something of us, if we believe that everyone is superior to us, and we don’t have “a right” to anything.

Unfortunately with affluence comes the arrogant notion that “I’m paying for it, so it should be done my way.” While it’s alright to, say, return a well-done order of steak served bloody to the chef, some customers take this way of thinking to the extreme, kicking up big fusses if they are not given “their right”, and expecting all wait staff to be subservient to them.

So too, when the BYOBag campaign started, many folks were heard muttering that it was “their right” as paying customers to plastic bags. In the similar vein, many hawker customers believe it is “their right” to not have to pay for takeaway containers.

Once, at Ikea, I took a seat at a table with a newspaper strewn onto one side of the table. Minutes later a man came up with his tray, shouting at me, “This is my table! I have already reserved this table. How can you be so rude as to take my table?” I immediately got up, apologized, and explained I didn’t know it was reserved, to which he yelled, “Then?? Can’t you see this is my newspaper? What do you expect me to put – my laptop?” Again, I apologized, explaining that sometimes customers do leave behind their newspapers after they are done reading them, to which he continued yelling, “Does it look like I’m finished with my newspaper? You are really extremely rude to take other people’s tables!” I politely replied, “Sir, I have apologized numerous times and am merely explaining to you why a person would not recognize that you have reserved your table. I would like to ask you to stop being rude to me instead.” and simply walked away in disgust. I wonder, did he think it was “his right” to be rude or to call others rude?

If it’s not claiming a right to something, then it’s shirking responsibility for something.

Also at Ikea, a mother told her daughter to sit at a table while she bought food, and instructed the girl to make sure the cleaners clear the table. The girl, old enough to read the signs, politely told her mother that it was their responsibility as patrons to clear the table themselves. To my shock the mother started scolding the daughter in a loud voice, saying, “Then what do they pay the cleaners for? The aunties should clear it – it’s their job.” I found that most appalling, and I hoped that the girl would not learn the terrible lesson her mother was teaching her but would hold on strongly to her own moral beliefs.

At the end of the day, changing our own mindsets will help in almost all social aspects of life. Helping others is not the act of a martyr; we do not always have to sacrifice our own interests in the process. The “thank you” from the person we give up our seat to, from the auntie whom we helped clear the table for, and from the cashier happy to see your green efforts, can be more satisfying than selfishly getting “our rights”. It’s a great morale and self-esteem booster, and it puts a smile on your face, and even for others witnessing the act. One little selfless act can make everyone’s day a little better. So why not?

Time to stop and appreciate our feline friends

Recently I have spotted an increase in vandalism in my lifts and lobby area, with messages that say, “Stop feeding cats! Don’t be inconsiderate!” In response to these I would like to say:

Firstly, vandalism is an illegal offence as determined by the Vandalism Act in our legal statutes. I hope the vandals can be aware that there are more than 100 families sharing that one HDB block of flats, and we would all like to share a vandalism-free living space. Feeding cats, on the other hand, when done responsibly, is not illegal.

Secondly, though I am not one who feeds cats around the neighbourhood, I have seen many of them at work, and I feel nothing but immense respect and admiration for them. They take out time from their busy schedules, and fork out their own hard-earned money to not only feed, but groom and even sterilize the cats.

Responsible feeding means not littering the area with leftover food, which would create a pest-hazard. The cat-carers around the neighbourhood take the effort to wait until the cats are done with their food, before throwing away what’s left and then making sure the area is clean – if not cleaner than before.

In fact, they even make use of used plastic food containers and milk cartons to create ‘new’ food dishes and drink trays for the cats, setting an example in executing one of the 3 ‘R’s, that is, to reuse items to help save the environment.

They also take care of these cats, taking them to the vet and paying for their sterilization. This is a far better – and more humane – approach to controlling the stray population. Sending them to the SPCA or having the NEA capture them will only lead to their deaths. If we know how to punish the behaviour but not condemn the child, we should know better than to condemn these harmless cats – creatures who naturally like being clean and who dispose of their waste in a most hygienic manner.

The vandals’ message also read: “If you want to feed them, bring them home to feed!” Bringing these street cats home is not a good idea, as much as catlovers would like to do so, because taking free-roaming cats and confining them to the small area of an HDB flat may cause severe mental problems and resulting disruptive behaviour, and may even lead to their suicide.

These cat-carers are doing a noble deed of preserving the lives and wellbeing of the peaceful animals that watch over our neighbourhood while we’re away at work, and greet us with a gentle ‘meow’ every evening when we return home.

To those who oppose their work: You don’t have to like cats, and no one’s asking you to get your hands dirty. Just try and have a little more compassion in your hearts. In a world where compassion is sorely lacking, maybe we all need to take the time to stop, smell the flowers, and start appreciating our neighbourhood cats – and their carers.

Price cooked food according to portions

Hawkers and food stall holders should offer meals of different portions and price them accordingly.

Many vendors charge more when a customer wants extra rice, for example, but no discount is given for less rice.

With prices becoming a serious cause of concern, especially among the lower income group, food stall owners should do what they can to make their prices still affordable.

A stall did just that, as mentioned in a letter published in my paper some time ago, and it showed that lowering prices does not mean less profits. Rather, due to the economies of scale and better prices, the stall was able to attract more customers, which led to better sales.

Setting prices according to the portion of food served would be welcomed by those finding it difficult to cope with the rising cost of living. Besides helping to cut down wastage, it would also appeal to those who wish to reduce their food intake for health reasons.

I hope that all stalls can look into implementing “small, medium and large” meals in the near future – because one size doesn’t always fit all.

see published letter here

Against dogs in food court? Kids are more annoying.

I read with much sadness the recent letters by a couple of readers about dogs in shopping malls and food courts.

I felt for the dogs as they are being shunned away. I believe they are neither filthy nor a health hazard.

Unfortunately, some people just do not like being around dogs, and their reasons for this can be quite valid – ranging from religion to phobia.

To many dog owners and lovers, they are not just pets but close companions. To some, dogs are like their own children. Dogs are treated with so much love as they are loyal and will love the owner back.

So it is natural for dog owners to take their pet out with them. How would you feel when you are out shopping with your child and someone told you you should have left your kid at home?

In fact, I would say that children are capable of causing much more nuisance and trouble. However, I have not told any parent off for their misbehaving child, because I know that they would be offended or even feel sad as a result.

Yet, people have no qualms complaining about dogs.

see published letter here

Everyone should join in Earth Hour

Earth Hour 2008 could have more lasting results than we think. I remember having our water supply cut off for hours in a Government-initated water-conservation campaign. The experience of having to bathe and wash plates out of buckets really drove home the message of conservation.

Government agencies could help encourage people to take part in Earth Hour. An hour of groping in the dark might drive home the point of not taking electricity for granted.

Real salute to samsui women

Ms Joan Teng (Nur Fitrah)’s letter (March 10) thanking Ms Serene Luo for her tribute to samsui women made me feel glad that at least there are some of these great women who have family to love and support them in their old age which is laced with physical ailments.

There are many samsui women who have never had the chance to marry or have children, and who are living out the rest of their lives alone and without any help. It is unfortunate that the nation that they helped build brick upon brick – our nation, with its technological advances and burgeoning economy – cannot help change their fate of waiting for death in utter loneliness.

We’ve seen tributes in various media, but how about offering a practical hand instead? And not just a “Samsui Women Fund” or having a one-off highly publicised event like “celebrating International Women’s Day” (which is celebrated by everyone but the actual women who are working hard for their families), but having people to actually spend time with them in their remaining days?

We could have students research on samsui women by actually visiting them and conversing, interacting with them. It would help humble our younger generation as they come to understand firsthand the hardship these women went through, hardship that our youth have never and probably will never need to experience in their lifetime.

It would also be a great opportunity for us as a nation to show our admiration, respect and gratefulness to them, and would be giving them the salute they deserve.

see published letter here

Women’s practical expectations

For me, if the man does not pay on dates, open doors for me, send me home, initiate celebrations and dress up for them, or carry my handbag – then there is definitely no future with him. Thankfully my husband does all the above. But there are very practical reasons for these expectations.

Yes, today’s woman is fully capable of taking care of herself physically and in the workforce. She knows what she wants and she goes all out to make sure she achieves it. In life, one of these goals she seeks to achieve for herself is a secure and happy life with the man she loves, whom loves her in return. Just as women have broken the glass ceiling in the corporate world by taking hold of top positions in companies and organizations, so too, today’s women also believe in fighting for their right in love and relationships.

If you take the above and rephrase it using a man instead of a woman, you’ll see it doesn’t differ much at all. Today’s men are fully capable of achieving their goals, but also look towards enjoying a secure and happy life with a woman whom he loves, whom loves him in return.

Perhaps that’s why in the survey conducted by the Social Development Service, overall there were more men who are were willing to meet these expectations than the women who actually have them!

It’s not about fragility, or being placed on a pedestal. These “tasks” are a means to test if the man is prepared to commit on his part towards the relationship on a long-term basis. For one, if the man is not willing to put forth the effort to do these things on a first date – when you put your best foot forward to try and impress the girl – then it’s pretty much already set in stone that he’s not going to help out around the house when you are married.

Paying for the meal is first of all, a sign of respect and graciousness. Even with business appointments, the person who called for the meeting over a meal should have the decency to at least offer to pay for the meal. This is basic courtesy and should definitely be extended in dating scenarios too. If you asked someone out, you should offer to pay for the meal. Likewise, opening doors is another mark of chivalry that all men who hope to be remembered as gentlemen would be most prepared to perform.

Having the means to pay for the meal – and of course where he takes you out to for that first meal – is also an indication of your future life together. And where many relationships and marriages fail along the lines of financial conflicts, this is a very important factor in choosing someone who might become one’s life partner.

Initiating celebrations and making the effort to dress up for them are all ways to show that men care for their women. In today’s macho world where very few men say “I love you” on a daily basis, they have unfortunately created for themselves the need to “say” this to their other halves in other alternative ways. Remembering anniversaries, taking her out to dinner, and lavishing her with presents have become their means of expressing their love. Perhaps if men were to lavish women with genuine shows of affection, expressing their feelings more often, then women would probably be happy to trade in the pampering for some honest soul-connecting conversation.

Even now that I have been married for two years, I still expect a lot of these actions from my husband, but where practical. If he asks me out on a date (yes, even when you’re married it is good to keep up such novel and spontaneous activities to keep the romance going), then I expect him to plan an evening and pay for it all, whether it’s a dinner and a movie, or Ben & Jerry’s on the couch watching a rented DVD. It’s only fair, because as a woman who enjoys equality, I’m paying for the next date when I ask him out.

It’s simple when shopping for groceries – the person who has more of their salary left will pay for it. If the shopping cart is full of his snacks and toiletries, however, he will offer to pay for it, since I have no use of Gillette and Men’s Biore. And if the groceries are piled on my lap while we’re driving back, I certainly expect him to open the car door for me and help me with them!

Practicality rules when paying at restaurants or other establishments. Where possible I will offer to pay with my credit card as I want to accumulate the more points. Since I’m the one who will be enjoying the rewards, then it’s only right I pay for the meal. Sometimes he will fight to pay with his card, because he needs to use it a minimum number of times to enjoy a fee waiver for another year.

This year, my husband planned our anniversary celebrations and paid for all of it, thought I suspect it caused a huge hole in his pocket because he was seen eating more instant noodles after that. But I could tell he was feeling pretty pleased with himself when he saw how touched and happy I was by his surprise. He even made the effort to iron a nice set of shirt and pants for the occasion (when he’s usually dressed in bermudas or un-ironed clothes). And I really appreciated all that he did. So for Valentine’s I bought all the ingredients and cooked him his favourite dish. And I was pretty pleased with myself when I saw how touched and happy he was with the surprise (he could probably also be glad because I didn’t expect a commercialised V-day of crowded dinner and white elephant flowers).

So yes, it is as Mr Joseph Wong said, “there should be give and take in a relationship.” Women may expect a lot from men, but they are equally prepared to extend love and affection towards their men in return – which is what most men desire most after a long day’s work (well, let’s not bring sex into the picture here). If not, they might as well stay with their army buddies all their lives. As DJ Justin Ang said, “Women have a right to expect to be treated differently or they might as well be men”!

That said, I agree with what Ms Sara Dean said about setting “ourselves up for failure and disappointment” when our men are unable to meet certain expectations. But from my experience, these disappointments usually end up being wonderful opportunities for heart-to-heart chats that help me learn more about my husband, and in turn brings us closer as a couple.

And yes, I do expect him to carry my handbag on days it is filled with rubbish and is too heavy to carry over that long distance as we walk to his favourite diner. After all, he’s the one pumping iron three times a week. Might as well make use of just how “strong and muscular” he is. ;P

Why is it his fault?

Hmm I honestly don’t understand why the whole world is pointing fingers at Edison, saying that the whole saga is his fault. You might as well say it’s Tim Berners-Lee’s fault for creating the media which disseminated the sex photos.

So… it’s Edison’s fault for taking the photos? Any two people in love probably would. Last I checked, there’s no crime in taking personal photos, whatever the nature. Sex images, photos and videos that are made with an intent for distribution, however, are. All the people pointing their fingers at Edison probably have their own stash of home-made porn in their own computers, which you can expect by now is safely guarded by various data protection or other encryption means.

At most, I recognise that it is no one but Edison’s fault for not having the foresight to remove the photos first before sending it for repair, thus tempting the technical guys to commit this crime. It’s like putting your wallet in plain sight on the table at a food court, then leaving to go to the toilet.

But should he be blamed for causing the whole scandal? Why don’t people recognise that he’s also a victim in all this?

Another thing I don’t get – why suddenly Edison has to acknowledge that he’s a “bad role model” – because he’s been found out? So if you do it in secret then it’s ok? As long as you don’t get caught red-handed, the world can go on living in their purish fantasies? Ever wonder how many other celebrities (read: people) might be doing the same thing, but save their pictures on a thumbdrive they keep under their pillow? But they’re still good role models – until the next scandal?

It has always been a fact that Edison has been somewhat of a “playboy”, flitting from one woman to another – in that, he was never a good role model to begin with. Many other celebrities are also guilty of this. Do we really expect them to all have chaste relationships? Do we still hope to believe in the chastity belt? And that’s just it, isn’t it? What Edison destroyed is not tangible – he destroyed hope. Knowing he sleeps around is one thing, but seeing it for your own eyes – and where seeing is believing – there’s nothing left to hold on to, is there? SEEING your favourite female pop stars being defiled, what can you actually believe in now?

Fact is, the female victims in this have more fans who feel angry on their behalf, than Edison has fans who are not disappointed – I think most are disappointed, not in him, but rather, disappointed that they weren’t the ones in those pictures. Why didn’t they get a chance?? I reckon they would have fought and killed for the opportunity.

If Edison and the other female counterparts weren’t stars, it wouldn’t even be a huge issue. Yes, you’ll be a porn star for a while and have DVDs of your videos and T-shirts with your name on it, and even Tab TV using you as an example, but nothing on this scale. But because you’re a star, you give everyone a reason to pounce on you. Perhaps that’s why he’s quitting showbiz for now – or indefinitely as they say? His celebrity status has conferred on him blame that otherwise would not be placed on him. The real culprits are the people who distributed the pictures, but why don’t people place the blame on them – because they remain faceless to the public? Blah. Edison is an easy target. It’s so convenient to blame him – especially when it seemed he was trying to “run away” from it. But come on, let’s see some reason here.

Ah forget it. To ask people to see reason in such circumstances is like trying to get a kid to come down from atop the monkey bars. I think Edison should just head to Japan and embrace his porn star status.

Wanna be healthy? Be a taitai.

Every morning near my office I see taitais (married women who don’t work, sometimes expat, sometimes just rich locals) jogging while discussing their children’s homework in between the scandalous lives of other women.

Every evening at my all-women’s gym I see taitais who are there long before I arrive and who continue on the circuit long after I leave.

It made me infer that taitais have more opportunities to have healthier lives:

1. With time on their hands, they can engage in fitness or sport activities as they wish, and with regularity.

2. They also have the time to prepare healthier meals at home as opposed to always eating out.

3. They can afford to buy better, fresher, and more nutritional ingredients for their meals, or even opt for organic food.

4. When eating out, they can afford to choose the healthier selections of foods, like salads and lower calorie meals that are usually more expensive than say, food court or fast food meals.

5. They have the time to calculate how many calories they’ve consumed and how much energy they need to expend.

6. They have the money to purchase high-tech fitness equipment (like sophisticated heart rate watches or pedometers) which help to monitor their fitness progress, and unlimited gym memberships, and personal trainers.

7. They don’t have to work, so they escape the hecticness and stresses that come with having a full-time job.

8. They can use their time towards pursuing self-actualisation activites, whether it be their own interests or even engaging in community or charity work, which serves to enrich your mental and emotional health.

9. With the maid to take care of the kids and the home, they are able to free themselves from fussing over trivialities (getting kids ready and on time for school, meals, bathing etc) and concern themselves only over the more important aspects pertaining to their children’s welfare and emotional wellbeing, thus being more satisfied parents and enjoying a better relationship with the kids, plus they avoid inhaling or coming into contact with nasty chemicals that come with cleaning the home.

10. No stress, no headaches, no lethargy, very fit, good stamina, don’t need to worry about the kids. So whenever hubby’s back, they can have lots of sex! And sex is a cure-all!

Have a laugh and learn from it

The relief teacher who posted his pupil’s “not-so-good compositions” on his blog has received much flaming from indignant individuals. He has also been suspended, pending investigations.

 

While I agree that he should not have posted the compositions with the intent to mock (posting them as “a source of entertainment” and calling them “terribly ridiculous” and “nonsense” was definitely uncalled for), I empathise with him on another level – he said he loves teaching.

 

He wrote on the blog: “The ability to interact with the kids… it’s something I look forward to everyday. I love these kids… really. No matter how naughty they can be… and no matter how tough I am on them… and even the fact that I find some of their antics irritating… well, that’s why they are called kids.”

 

Now, how many people can truly say that? Many teachers are too jaded with the system to even find joy in teaching, or, in this case, amusement while going through the chore of marking piles of substandard work.

 

If we can turn something the Prime Minister said at the National Day Rally a few years ago about a local dish into a parody and have the whole nation laugh about it, then why are we now beneath laughing at ourselves?

 

Is it because it’s about our children? Are we then teaching them that it’s wrong to laugh at themselves?

 

Mr Leow Ju Len had written in my paper earlier on how some parents seem to inadvertently stifle their children’s creativity and instill in them the wrong notion that mistakes are fatal. We fear failure; we worry that others would laugh at our failure; we are afraid of trying. How is that going to help entrepreneurship in this country?

 

The truth is, we learn from our mistakes and it’s something we all do in life. And what makes it easier than humour? If anything, I believe this is a good chance for the Ministry of Education to explore implementing peer learning – but not ridicule, of course. It has long been adopted by lecturers at tertiary institutions, that is, analysing the best and the worst works of the class (without naming anyone) so that all would improve.

 

Sure, the class will roar with laughter over the really bad, “cannot-make-it” essays. I’ve had my work laughed at before, but before I knew it, I was choking from laughter at my own mistakes too.

 

The experience can also serve as an invaluable lesson on EQ, perhaps even one of life’s greatest lessons – to be able to laugh at yourself and your mistakes.

 

Perhaps we need such “radical” change to bring about a whole new teaching revolution, and get rid of this generation’s “I’m-too-good-for-the-world” attitude.

 

see published letter here

Down with the Bush

And so there have been many lessons to learn from the scandal that keeps Edison on the run. Newspapers jumped on the opportunity to produce practical followup articles with experts giving us laypeople (because we’re doing away with sexist terms like ‘layman’ right?) the lowdown on what’s legal and what’s not, or techies dishing out tips and encryption secrets to protect the data in your computer – whether it’s legal or not, or even self-professed moralists who want to give you an opinion on how you should be living your life.

Opinions are not restricted to those with media authority of course, these days you’ll find them all over the web – together with those photos that Edison pleaded with everyone to destroy so that the wounded might heal. From the conservative to the extremists… I think the best quote I’ve found thus far went something like, ‘Aiyah, what’s the big deal? What scandal? Celebs are human too. Just learn to keep it better lah!’

Well, I’m pretty neutral on the whole matter. The only thing that bristled me was the fact that… all the photos just went to prove that these stars – as much as their hair is styled for photoshoots and album covers – don’t enjoy the same luxury… down there.

It was the first thing that struck me – what’s up with supporting the Bush? Like a netizen ‘Diane’ said on a forum: “I’ve kept it shaved completely since I was 17, which is what I though most girls/young women did. But when showering at my gym the other day I noticed that I was the only one with no pubic hair. Is the natural bush making a comeback?”

Ok so I’m not exactly talking totally pre-puberty bald, but at least GROOM your privates! A friend of mine, when he heard this point I was trying to make, came to the conclusion that either no one really cares about it there, or there was a serious shortage of scissors, wax, razors and other dilapatory instruments in Hong Kong at that time.

Anything left to grow wild and unkempt like that is just a fire hazard – or something bad just waiting to happen.

Well, just a reminder to everyone else, here’s the moral of this story for me: Why you should groom yourselves… down there.

1. Cleanliness. With our climate and heat, sweat and bacteria accumulates where the sun don’t shine, and especially wrap themselves around and cling onto hair follicles for dear life. Especially for women when that time of the month comes along, ah, the freedom beyond wings, tampons or pills. Totally mess-free.

2. Health. Without a whole bush blocking, you’ll be able to check for any skin conditions like outbreaks, or inflamed follicle roots, or even little critters hiding – and possibly building nests – within your private property. Imagine, trespassing ticks! Plus, you’ll have full access when checking for any abnormalies, especially for guys when you do your regular testicular self-examinations – which you should be doing so you can nip any early problems in the bud and get it fixed. Also, it’s easier to tell if you might be suffering from any sexual-related conditions, so you can make a quick appointment with the doc.

3. Sensual. Sure, you don’t have to “look like a 12-year-old girl”, like what a ‘Jeff’ said of totally bare va-jay-jays, I would have to agree that having a little hair down there is actually pretty womanly and sexy, but many people agree that bare skin on skin is even more stimulating than you would ever know if you’ve been growing the Amazon.

4. Oral. Whether you’re doing the work or taking the sit-back-and-relax approach, it’s a huge benefit both ways. ‘Ryan’ would like you to know he stronly believes that “swallowing pubes, or even getting them in your mouth is f***ing awful.” A US Army NCO ‘Killeen’ points out that “you will never have to stop to get a hair out of your mouth”, so the momentum isn’t disrupted, and we all know what a mood-killer that could be. ‘Dave’ swears that “once you’ve experienced bald balls you won’t go back”. And it certainly does help, if you hope she gives you some ball action, that she can first of all, find them, and then not choke while trying. ‘PEM’ puts it simply: “No one wants to floss down there.” Plus, they say that an erection looks huger when hairless – you know, nothing to block any inch of it at all. I can’t see how that might hurt your cause!

5. Media. If you’re a celeb, you’ll never know when a picture of you might appear before the world, yes like in this case. And surely together with learning how to give totally boring PR and PC answers, every celeb101 crash course should include a module on grooming – everywhere! Even Britney and Lindsay were both pretty well-learned in this area – maybe we need to pick up on that over on this side of the planet. If that’s one thing to learn when it comes to Bush administration.

Rude illegal fruit seller

As I was coming out of a train station recently I spotted a makeshift fruit stall and approached the sellers to ask the cost of the plums and cherries as I intended to buy some fruits for my family. When I told them I would like a pack of plums, one of the sellers, a man in his fourties, started asking me loudly in Mandarin why I didn’t want the cherries, when they were so sweet, juicy and much cheaper than sold elsewhere. I explained that I wouldn’t be able to finish a whole pack of cherries, that’s why I was getting only 5 plums. He kept forcing on me how “sweet, juicy and much cheaper” the cherries were, and so I just kept declining his offer politely.

What happened next left me standing there shocked: He shouted at me, “Why? The cherries too expensive is it? What’s wrong with you? Didn’t get any ang pao money to spend today is it? Why you don’t want to buy?”

I have learnt my lesson and will never buy from illegal fruit sellers again.

Cycling city possible!

Mr. Alan Chow’s letter “Dedicated bicyle lanes, please” in MyPaper (Feb 12) sure made cycling sound like a solution to many problems we are currently facing in Singapore. Let me analyse this a little further:

First, with less vehicles on the road, it would help lessen pollution.

Second, cycling to and from work eases the traffic congestion, especially during peak hours – a much better alternative to simply planting more ERP grantries. One person in a car versus one person on a bicycle – can you imagine what a difference it would make?

Third, cycling has proven to be a great form of exercise, destress, and is therapeutic to many. We would definitely benefit from a decrease in national levels of obesity, stress-related illnesses and conditions caused by a lack of physical activity.

Fourth, as a much cheaper mode of transport, cycling helps save dollars and cents that would otherwise go into our higher cost of living, especially with regards to increasing food costs of late.

Fifth, people in many bicycle-friendly cities agree that having the option to cycle to their destinations is like a form of respect given to them as individuals, and has increased their feelings of self-worth and independence. It would definitely help if our children were to grow up in such an environment.

Oh, and sixth, the elderly and less abled will have less problems getting a seat on public transport too.

Sure, there will be a lot of changes needed to implement a cycling network.

The government will need to consider the infrastructure of the whole country – designated bicycle lanes, enough parking/storage at all schools, offices, other modes of public transport and other venues, overhead bridges for cyclists etc. The roads need to provide all cyclists with direct, convenient routes, minimising unnecessary delay and effort in reaching key destinations. There’s also new traffic signals, intersections, and road signs that need to be put in place. Public transport like the MRT trains will need to make room for bicycle racks as well, to accommodate cycling to further destinations.

There will also be a need to look into new traffic rules, educating the nation on these rules and etiquette, almost a changing of mindsets that cars no longer have “the right of way”. For example, in bike-friendly The Netherlands, there is an unwritten rule that in a collision between a car and a cyclist, the car is deemed to be at fault, which only serves to make car drivers more careful when on the roads. Looks like the Road Safety Park will be pretty busy.

There’s also the stigma that cycling is for those of lower statuses or who can’t afford a car – in many cycling cities around the world, even CEOs cycle to work. Most people there own cars, but they hop on their bicycle to work, school, to run errands, and only take the car out for longer drives.

This may seem like a lot of changes, but weighing what needs to be done, with the good it can accomplish, it’s really a no-brainer. We all know that if the government puts its mind to it, miracles can happen. After all, making Singapore a cycling city is very possible. We’re a small island, most of our roads are flat, our buildings are all accessible by roads, we’ve seen how easily lanes can be added to our roads, and the weather is significantly cooler in the early mornings and evenings. All perfect for cycling. Most of our schools and offices can accommodate shower facilities where needed too. Knowing us, we’ll develop cycling into another booming industry, and boost entrepreneurship, creativity and innovation. Next thing you know, we’ll have Mercedes two-seat bicycle taxis with credit card advertisements on them.

So why not? Hopefully we’ll see such a change soon, or perhaps when the fourth generation PM takes over?